7.29.2013

The Wolverine: Review: Seriously Marvel- What the F*CK?!?

     After seeing this new Wolverine film, I have to openly say- Marvel, please take off the kiddie gloves.  It's time to grow the F*CK up.  This is Wolverine, Marvel Comics' most bad ass person.  He's supposed to be the "best there is," and what he does is kill, not mope in teenage angst in the rain.

     !!! SPOILER WARNING !!!

     This is my quick summary of the movie:


     This film was supposed to be based on the Wolverine run by Chris Claremont and Frank Miller.  Upon viewing the movie, that statement had to have been made with the loosest possible meaning.  It's like they took the story, and instead of reading it, took some kids retelling of it, and then wiped their asses with the pages they never actually read.  Who is OKing these scripts?!?

     Why do the film makers insist on showing Wolverine as this overly regretful man that insists his immortality is some horrible burden?  Sure he's aging slower, but he's only around 120 years old.  Stop focusing on his grieving and move the f**k on.  Have Apocalypse show up and tell Wolverine to go f**k himself, Apocalypse is THOUSANDS of years old.  Deal with it.

     This was a chance to take the character and show him at his best and worst.  Show him learning the art of being a "Ronin" and the process and dedication that sticks with him later on in life.  Show the growth that a man who has been an animalistic killer can become a man of honor.  Show him become the ronin he is called many times.

     It also would give viewers a chance to show that, despite all his abilities, an old man can still easily beat him with a single sword.
     That is quite possibly the biggest flub of this film.  The Lord Shingen fight.  Wolverine barely fought the billion ninjas he was supposed to didn't bother me nearly as much.  Sure he got some Yakuza slaying done, but Shingen was where this movie could've shone.
     They cut the fundamental moments out of this historic battle to make room for an absurd Silver Samurai (mechanical suit) duel.  Why?  Absolutely ridiculous. 
     The Shingen fight in the comics showed Wolverine being systematically sliced up.  Cutting up nerves and stabbing vital organs, Shingen's skill makes Wolverine look like a child.  This is how it should've been handled, not like the film did it. (See pic below)


     Should I even mention that Viper could have, and very well SHOULD have been cut from the film?  And the strange robot insects that attach to hearts were unnecessary.  If they had the tech to subdue Wolverine's healing factor, theoretically they should be able to duplicate the power as well. 

     In all honesty, I would've loved to see how Darren Aronofsky would have handled this story.  I can only imagine he would have done Claremont and Miller justice, and created something along the lines of Christopher Nolan's Dark Knight series.
     Does anyone else think he dropped out due to a crappy script?  They blew a chance to display an amazing Japanese culture and it's darker noir underworld.  Once again, I am quite disappointed in the handling of a classic story translated into garbage for money's sake.

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