Pope of (Dr.) Pepp(er)

A short time ago I decided to become the religious-iest Dr. Pepper drinker ever. It started when I was younger, I was a nonbeliever. A Mr. Pibb-aholic.

Well, Coke went and changed the most delicious soda ever into a new and improved model.

Mr. Pibb became Pibb Xtra. More like Pibb Neutered. It has become too much like Cherry Coke. Too full of "Xtra", whatever that may be. It tastes kind of like pain. The church of Pibb has forsaken me.

But... my zealousness for effervescent goodness must be sated somehow. Where was comfort for the loss of my fallen liquid friend? Many long nights spent wandering in a decaffeinated stupor. I sought the nearest thing possible. Which was at a competitor, Pepsi.

Pepsi opened it's arms to me with a wonderful beverage. Dr. Pepper tended my emotional wounds. Mended the crushed heart in my chest with a refreshing goodness.

Dr. Pepper obviously put in the extra time to become a professional. It is, after all, a Doctor... of... ummmm... something. Oh, what joy, to be a part of something that tastes like pure happiness.

After years of dedication, I have proclaimed myself the Pope of Pepp. Street corners shall be warmed by me. I yell out the good word of the Book of Yum, wearing one of those cardboard ponchos reading "The Pepp is near!". Unfortunately many think I have escaped from a mental institution.

And previous studies I have undertaken have shown me that Lip Balm Dr. Pepper really DOES taste more like the Original Dr. Pepper. Whereas Diet Dr. Pepper tastes more like crap than the original.

Which is actually kinda funny because Dr. Pepper tastes more the like Original Mr. Pibb than Pibb Xtra does. Ouch.


  1. Is that DP aerosolized? If so.. give me shot in the mouth

  2. Actually, I sometimes use it as an intravenous injection. Straight from the can to the vein. It doesn't have the flavor, but it puches you right in the heart.