Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Review (NES) The Original Nintendo Game

Bebop and Rocksteady.

     The first foray of the TMNT into the video game world isn't one of the brawler beat-em-ups that defined the series right after this installment.  It's actually this top down view with deadly tanks, and side scrolling platformer levels upon entering sewers or buildings game on the original Nintendo.
     This game was more unforgiving and imbalanced than it rightly should've been- creating play that is far from fun and it punishes players for failing to adapt to the horrendous control scheme.  The problem with the difficulty here is that is due to arbitrary problems and poor level design you are forced to fight through wave after wave of enemies that should be menial but aren't.  Dark Souls feels like a lackadaisical stroll in comparison- at least it is fair and the controls are tight.

You get to drive the Party Wagon!!!

     Perhaps if the controls for TMNT were better the tediousness might have been simply a fun challenge, but instead it devolves into pure frustration.  If a player moves a single screen over in the level, every enemy respawns.  An infinitely respawning group of enemies that do massive damage if you even touch one gets to be really irritating while you also have to struggle with the awful controls.  Even worse is the fact that there are plenty of filler stages and places that don't contain anything necessary for progress and serve mostly to deplete what little resources you have.
     The platforming is also a problem as a result of terrible jumping mechanics.  If you bump a ceiling you drop straight down- often right into the line of fire you jumped to avoid.
     Compounding this problem is the fact that while you may choose which of the 4 Turtles you want to play as at any time, Michelangelo and Raphael are nearly useless because their weapons have nothing for range.  Many players just resort to using them in heavy damage taking areas so they can prolong the use of the only two Turtles worth using, Leonardo and Donatello, as they give you much more range.  

Diffuse the bombs.

     Somehow this is an extremely flawed game that I loved as a kid, but not as much as the drastically better TMNT: The Arcade Game, which was released in the same year.  Any fondness I once had was drown in the infamous underwater "Dam Level" that will no doubt go down in history as one of the biggest torments to any children that suffered beneath the waves.

This was a nightmare for many, many children.

     Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for the NES is a mediocre game at best, and the difficulty curve proves to be its greatest undoing, most notably because the TMNT should really be aimed at kids.  If they hadn't included a never-ending stream of respawning minions or even a level select option the game might've left young players with better memories, but as it is, nostalgia won't cover its abundance of faults.


     For more of my Turtles posts [ TMNT ]

TMNT: Turtles Forever (Full Un-Cut Widescreen Version) Review

     With a mere two days until the release of the Michael Bay & Jonathan Liebesman's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles hits theaters across the US, I have been rewatching to review a bunch of old films.  Outside of the 1990 Original Motion Picture, the best movie easily goes to TMNT: Turtles Forever.

     Created with a multipurpose design.  It served as the finale to seven seasons of the 4Kids TMNT show and as the 2009 mark of the 25th anniversary in one brilliant combo pack.  What happened is all the right things were brought together to bring generations of Turtle incarnations into one unbelievable movie.

     A teleportation incident on the Technodrome and winds up tearing through dimensional divides and bringing the 1987's Ninja Turtles into the 2003's cartoon's world.  Through a series of world destroying circumstances they wind up meeting animated versions of the original Mirage Comics' Turtles.  All animated in their individual styles.  When you hear this, it sounds like a mishmash recipe for disaster- it sounds ridiculous, silly, and downright stupid.  But this film is far from it.  Far, far from it.

     The creators did an unparalleled job bringing together the Turtle's version of the multiverse.  Every scene shows that writers Rob David, Matthew Drdek, and Lloyd Goldfine clearly not only understand the TMNT, but they understood their changes through time and what made them work so well.  They've captured the essences of three different types of the TMNT and I would be hard pressed to say anyone else has ever matched this fantastic quality.
     They even perfectly portrayed the way the characters handle running into alternate versions of themselves- watching the 4Kids Turtles react to their incompetent 80's counterparts is continuously hilarious as they wonder who they are talking to when they break the 4th wall and speak to the watching audience.  Then the grim and gritty Mirage Turtles arrive and make the 2000's generation seem like nice guys.  Even the Shredder's realization when finding his better, newer, and very different self is priceless.  They've even thrown in a bunch of extra bits and characters in the background if you keep your eyes peeled.

     The 4th wall breaking takes a whole extra step when they realize that destroying the Mirage Comics' TMNT will destroy all of the iterations and everything created from them- heroes, villains, and everything in between.  It would be like Eastman and Laird had never created them in the first place.  A truly defining moment of brilliance in writing for television.

     Any fan of the TMNT should watch TMNT: Turtles Forever, it is a phenomenally handled and clever work of art.  It shows their change through time for new and different generations, it shows that they can all exist together and all be wonderful as well... even if it's the new Bay & Liebesman movie.  When 4Kids Entertainment made this, they succeeded in making something to bridge the gap between parents and children that enjoyed the Turtles in a way that could be shared together across generations.  The collision of three vastly different TMNT worlds has miraculously created something that is absolutely magnificent.  As it stands, this was the perfect tribute to TMNT fandom.


     For more of my Turtles posts [ TMNT ]

TMNT Nintendo DS Review (2007 Game)

     With the CG animated film being released there were a slew of movie tie-in games.  For some reason the Nintendo DS version got the shaft, even worse than the Sony PSP version which had far superior graphics if I remember correctly.

     Whoever thought this game should be the precursor to all the "Such-and-such RUN!" games should've been fired.  There is the only the most minimal combat in this game and ignoring the TMNT's staple game mechanic throughout the years was this games first and biggest mistake.  In those few moments the controls are garbage- they contain the most pitiful combos I've ever seen.  Since each normal attack pushes you forward quite far, sending you far beyond Foot soldiers if you are even slightly off target, it leaves you wide open to get cut down.  Really, it comes down to spamming the attack button and hoping for the best.

     What comprises a majority of the game is running through the city and dashing back and forth responding to button prompts to jump or swing in the most clunky and sloppy way possible.
     It is a considerable part of the game, to an absurd extent- all you do is push one of three buttons- left, right, or center- ad nauseum.  This costs the game a lot because it eliminates any real exploration they might've had and sapped any enjoyment they could've had in this game.

     To make matters even worse there are corners that cameras aren't fast enough to follow you around, moving jump points that can lead directly to death if the landing point moved, and areas where you have to "charge" a jump by holding the button down for no real reason I could discern.

     The one thing that was kind of redeeming is a mini-game of sorts where one of your turtle brothers shows up and if you can race and catch them, they'll launch you far ahead for a boost in time to complete the level.  Unfortunately the boost only serves to help you retrieve the collectible token letters T, M, N, and - you guessed it - T.  But trying to collect them is a chore because the whole game is awful- so I didn't even bother attempting it, which would necessitate replaying levels to take different paths for the letters I hadn't found.

     TMNT may have begun with an original idea that was initially great, but somewhere along the line it became the befuddling mess we got.  I've played a LOT of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle games over the years, and this one is easily the worst.  Even Out of the Shadows is a masterpiece in comparison.

     For more of my Turtles posts [ TMNT ]

Devious Dungeon Review (Android)

     I found this little gem while looking through the recommended games for Wayward Souls.  Devious Dungeon is a super simplistic rogue-like, or at least a rogue-lite because you don't really lose built up stats or stuff.  But that isn't always a bad thing.  Here you are a hero charged with going into the kingdom's catacombs to rid the place of these monstrous usurpers.

     There's the scarcest form of an RPG type leveling system for your character, as well as purchasable (either through IAPS or collecting coins in game) armor, weapons, potions, and jewelry to further enhance your efficacy in monster slaying.  The randomly generated levels through five worlds get to be very familiar and finding any of the "secret areas" is almost a joke because by the end of the game you can usually guess the map because they aren't too large, and are all too familiar after playing them a few hundred times to earn coins.    

     To break up the typical rogue-like structure, there are checkpoints every three levels that makes it much more tolerable of the high number of deaths you'll suffer (even touching an enemy causes damage).  All your purchased upgrades and equipment follow you as well.  This makes it a smoother play for some.

     Somehow, it isn't nearly as bad as it sounds.  Ravenous Games has made something extremely enjoyable for small bits of time.  You can load and play through a level in just a minute or two, and it avoids any chance at boredom by just being short and good.  The controls are superb on the touchscreen, making the platforming action go over easy.

     There is just enough variety to keep players coming back for a little more entertainment.  Every level comes down to finding the key, then the door to the exit, and slaying everything in your way to looting coins and destroying bosses.  It would've been nice to be able to choose other characters or classes, but as it is, the game is great because of its simplicity.

     Devious Dungeon is the simplest platforming action RPG rogue-like possible, but it packs a tremendous replay value for its $1.99 Google Play price.

TMNT: Out of the Shadows: PS3 Review (and Thoughts About the TMNT Gaming Future)

     After something like a 9 month series of delays, when Red Fly Stuios' Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows arrived on the PS3 I was moderately excited.  Of course I had reservations, because no game can be delayed that much and not suffer a little bit.  I'd heard about the awful glitches and bugs that plagued the game on other systems, and the bad news is- there are still a bunch on the PS3 version.

     I personally ran into framerate stutters so bad is froze the game on numerous occasions, multiplayer co-op was damn near impossible, hard to find (or no) way point markers/indicators, and 3 times I fell into a perpetual fall in a black screen through the game's floor geometry.  Characters frequently lodged in walls or failed to even load.  Some cutscenes would start to load and then freeze.   Of course there's also the standard invisible enemies and god awful camera to fight with that some other games struggle with as well- it just feels much worse on top of the other issues here.

     The gameplay isn't quite a straightforward button masher- things need to be timed properly.  Attacks and prompts are very specific to pull off, and each turtle has their own style to master.  You can see the largely failed attempts to make it as clean and functioning as the Batman: Arkham City combat that clearly influenced this.  I have to say it wasn't as bad as I was expecting.  There is something that just doesn't flow right with it.
     Honestly- the poor controls resulted in more aggravation than many of the other nuisances.  It got to be so irksome when controls failed to even register and the chosen turtle would stand in place and take massive damage.  Compound that with the camera- and you've got the toughest boss fight in the game- the game itself.  It leaves the game a mechanical mess.

     On the good side, this game has a decent story.  It also has plenty of comic book style cutscenes that are pretty good, but appeared to be a time saver over having fully animated cutscenes.  Nothing that would blow anyone's mind, but what could you really expect?
    The challenge mode is fun.  There's a training dojo to practice your various ninjitsu skills in, which is very helpful for some of the larger 99+ hit combos later on in the game as well as some of the timed-moves like Raph's Tap Outs.  Then there's a call-back to the old school TMNT arcade games, with an in-game arcade version of Out of the Shadows you can play.  That I think is the highlight of the game and really shows the moments where this could shine.

     For all the issues and problems I ran into, this game is definitely a step in the right direction for the TMNT.  If the game was cheaper it would've probably softened the impact of how bad this is.  What Out of the Shadows does do well is provide the promise of what could be done with the future of the franchise.  It had enormous potential.  I think a bigger and better studio may have been able to truly pull off an open-world 4 player co-op beat-em-up much better than this- a game to match the ambition this one so desperately strove for.  We just haven't found the right company to do it justice yet.  Maybe Activision can find a group to do it with the Nickelodeon series on a larger scale.

     As a lifelong fan since I was about 5 years old, that is what I would want.  A huge action RPG brawler, maybe even a hack-n-slash, in a fully open world of Manhattan, complete with sewer system.  The world should be as large as any of the GTA games by Rockstar, and it should be filled with plenty of baddies and mini-missions.  Take note Activision- Traveller's Tales' Lego Marvel Superheroes did it right with the large cityscape full of fun mayhem to be had with a couple hundred characters to swap around.  Copy that and improve on it.

     When I had completed the game, it was only with great love for the TMNT franchise and a lot of patience that I made it through.  As a die-hard, I can only take away from this experience the hopes that any future TMNT games might learn from this.  I'll have only a few good memories from this game, and my 30 years of built up nostalgia can't make this seem any better or more forgiving, and with that being said- this game should probably be stuffed back into the shadows it came out of.

     For more of my Turtles posts [ TMNT ]

Secret of Mana: Classic RPG Coming to Android This Fall!

     But time flows like a river...

    A long time favorite game of mine has been on iOS for a while, one I've still got and play from time to time on SNES- the amazing action RPG Secret of Mana.  In addition their Rise of Mana will probably be on it's way as well.  Good thing it's only taken 4 years to get it to us Android users.

     and history repeats...

     This will be a great chance to replay a classic game updated on Android devices.


     Secret of Mana will be available this "Autumn."  No price listed.
     iOS users can purchase it discounted to $3.99 until August 10th.

     Source [ Square-Enix ]

Bioshock: Continuing on iOS (Where's the PS Vita version?)

     Shortly after teasing via twitter, 2K has shown we are now getting a return to Rapture via iOS systems.  The tease was hinting a literal return, because iOS users get the 2007 original Bioshock, albeit with some clear compromises in quality.  The frame rate looks a bit low, some fine detailing work seems missing, and the right side controls appear a bit questionable in more than single person battles from the video.

     There are currently no plans for an Android port.
     Which also makes me question, why aren't we PS Vita users receiving something?  It really is a dystopian location.  This is doubly disturbing because I use Android and love my PS Vita(s).  After Infinite, there's certainly an opportunity to open many more stories in this franchise.  In the Bioshock universe there's always a way.

     So far there is neither a definitive release date nor price, although "Summer" and a "premium" price have been stated by 2K.

     Source [ IGN ]

Xibalba Review: Simple Pixely-Shootin' Goodness!

     Xibalba is an FPS game designed by PhobosLab for the 7 Day FPS competition, but hadn't gotten completed. Luckily enough for us it has been finished and is now playable in browsers or on iOS devices.

     Any fans of the old shooters like Doom, Wolfenstein, or Zero Tolerance should feel right at home here.  It's simple enough- you start with an energy gun, and must fight your way through 6 levels of various enemies including natives, aliens, robot turrets, and a Boss fight through a pretty decent story that could easily become a short sci fi movie classic.
     The arsenal can be expanded to include a shotgun and a rocket launcher, and the energy gun can replenish it's ammo by either waiting for regeneration or by picking up clips.  Health can be restored with varying sized health packs.  You really don't need to worry about anything other than running and gunning, and the game is that much better for it.

     Color and tone drastically change the atmosphere of each location, the sound work is very impressive, and the game is all-around fun to play.  I definitely recommend this game for a couple hours of entertainment.

     Xibalba may be played on [ Browser ]  or [ iOS ]

Countdown to Bay & Liebesman's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

     With the new Bay & Liebesman Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie less than a week away, I figure I should get some of my draft reviews cleaned up and posted leading up to my review of the new film.

Elevator Dance Party GIF!

     I've got slated this week, if I can squeeze them in, movie reviews for the original film, Turtles Forever, and 2007's TMNT.  For video games I've been playing a slew of the older games such as the Nintendo version, PS3's TMNT: Re-Shelled, and a couple of the more recent ones like the PS3 version of Out of the Shadows and the movie tie in game for the 3DS that arrives on Tuesday this week.
     There's a ton of comics and trade reviews including my favorite story, the Michael Zulli Soul's Winter.
     It might be worth noting I've even got plenty of toy reviews on the way including the phenomenal new Nickelodeon TMNT cartoon Sewer Lair Playset and a ton of figures So there might be a TMNT overload on this blog for a while because I've got 25 drafts near ready to post.

     Hope you enjoy that GIF.

     To see my previous Turtle Posts [ TMNT]

Guardians of the Galaxy: Short Review: "If we had a blacklight..."

     Coming out of this film I was quite excited for more.  I knew it would be a great film, and it may be my favorite Marvel movie to date. That isn't to say it's the best film, but it's at least the most entertaining. It's loaded with 1980's flavor. There's action, there's adventure, and there's some seriously hilarious dick jokes.

     What makes this the most entertaining Marvel movie is the fact they seem to let loose a little on the film itself.  Most other Marvel films try to put little jokes and things in to keep it from being too serious, but Guardians revels in the freedom. It completely embraces the mismatched rag-tag group incidentally thrown together to save the entire galaxy from the threat of annihilation.  Peter "Star Lord" Quill's Awesome Mix tape in the film is a symbol for the entire movie. It draws upon all the greatest 80's Sci Fi films and creates something wonderful with it.

     Somehow it manages to be every bit as cliched as possible while continuously surprising and shamelessly bringing the laughs. This film isn't about story, it's very formulaic, Guardians of the Galaxy is about fun, and the best praise I can give it can be summed up with the three most versatile words in the movie-

     "I am Groot." 

     Take that how you will.