Best Birthday Gift I've Given Someone: A God Complex

It was recently one of my friend's birthday and I was struggling with what to give her for a gift.  After much deliberation I decided to put some old skills to the test, and make something so amazing, all future birthdays would seem paltry in comparision.  What could be that awesome?  Then it dawned on me...

What I was thinking was, what better way to make someone feel good about being old than giving them the ability to play god and make(or destroy) things!?!  After years of research compressed into just a few weeks, I took my knowledge of genetic manipulation and some prehistoric DNA projects I had lying around the laboratory (desk drawer) and made it into a creator pill.  Something that has the capacity to grow an entire living creature by dropping it in some water.   

These were not nearly as good as the ones from when I was a child.  I recall being able to drop a single one of these into a glass of water and, if you were lucky, 30 seconds later the foam beast that sprouted from the glass wouldn't be large enough to devour you.  Unlucky people got things like an Argentinosaurus, which would grow large enough in that 30 seconds to destroy their house, some vehicles, and their neighbor's shed, or a very disoriented Velociraptor trying to devour their intestinal tract.  A few incidents caused us to rethink these wonderful magic-pet-maker-pills.  
I mean, insurance doesn't cover extinct 100+ ton Sauropods crushing your house in an attempt to nibble at the leaves of tall trees.  Doctors don't believe you when you say, "A Compsognathus bit me."  Nor did my 5th grade teacher buy it when I announced a Triceratops ate my Baking Soda Volcano. 
With that thought, these new pills are created with safety in mind.  There is a governer gene placed on their growth.  A maximum height of 3 inches.  The mighty Tyrannosaurus Rex isn't nearly as threatening when it's only 2 inches tall.  It's actually kind of cute.  In fact, I'm waiting on a patents/copyrights for "Teacup Tyrannosaurs", along with "Itty Bitty Brachiosaur", and a set called "Tiny Terrarium of Terror", which includes small Plesiosaurs, Icthyosaurs, and a handful of Parasaurolophuses.  

In the end, I essentially wrote her a prescription for a God Complex with a full bottle of either potential Cretaceous Era disaster or Jurrasic Era joy.  One that she may get refilled at leisure.  Hopefully nobody dies this time.

No comments:

Post a Comment