Red Country: Free Advertising for Mr. Joe Abercombie

     Here's the book trailer for one of my top 3 favorite authors upcoming release, Mr. Joe Abercrombie's Red Country from Gollancz Books.



Here's the book blurb:

They burned her home.

They stole her brother and sister.

But vengeance is following.

Shy South hoped to bury her bloody past and ride away smiling, but she'll have to sharpen up some bad old ways to get her family back, and she's not a woman to flinch from what needs doing. She sets off in pursuit with only a pair of oxen and her cowardly old stepfather Lamb for company. But it turns out Lamb's buried a bloody past of his own, and out in the lawless Far Country, the past never stays buried.

Their journey will take them across the barren plains to a frontier town gripped by gold fever, through feud, duel and massacre, high into the unmapped mountains to a reckoning with the Ghosts. Even worse, it will force them into alliance with Nicomo Cosca, infamous soldier of fortune, and his feckless lawyer Temple, two men no one should ever have to trust. . .

The past never stays buried . . .

     I am not generally a fan of book trailers, but I do appreciate this one.  The whole western feel of the trailer.  Considering I absolutely loved all his other books- The First Law Trilogy, Best Served Cold, and The Heroes- I have no worries for this one.  The fact he's been apparently reading up on gritty westerns for research and influential material is a slightly added bonus.  Because I tend to enjoy the western grit, it makes me even more excited for this book.
     One recognizable character I am definitely looking forward to reading about again is Nicomo Cosca.  A Soldier that specialized in not doing a thing and somehow reaping the benefits.  His most useful skill seems to be a great streak of luck and chance.  Add that to his wonderful demeanor and his outstanding conversational skills and you have quite an entertaining individual.  He has one of the best quotes ever, after making an awkward entrance he exclaims, "My name is Nicomo Cosca, famed solider of fortune, and I am here for dinner."  It fits his character so well!  Simple, matter of fact, and more than slightly entitled.

     I would also like to say that any Fantasy readers out there should give the First Law books a try.  At least the first book in the trilogy- The Blade Itself.  I have personally bought roughly 20 copies of The Blade Itself and gave them out to potential readers, and only one of the people disliked it.  Most of them went out and got the rest of the series.  So I figure I'll be gifting a stack of Red Country to all the Abercrombie fans I know.

     The only other author I buy up piles of books for and hand them out is Neal Asher.  I would also highly recommend him to anyone that enjoys Joe Abercrombie's books- as Asher has plenty of dark humor and action in all his books.  The Spatterjay series- The Skinner, The Voyage of the Sable Keech, and Orbus- are particularly phenomenal.  Buy these books, they're worth it. 

     Joe Abercrombie's books?  Say one thing about his books, say they're amazing.

Ghostbusters the Video Game

     Why has this game not gotten more attention?!?  Granted I'm getting to this now, 4 years or so late, but it is still a fun game anyway.  (The game was released in June 2009)

     If any Ghostbusters fans out there are also gamers, I would highly recommend this game.  The multiplayer online is still up and running as well.  So I played a few matches and met some nice people- good stuff working as a team as well as competitive ghost busting. 

     The main game is nothing groundbreaking, but is simply a fun game with all the right touches added.  Ghostbusters: The Video Game fits in after the movies and have plenty of film references.  Many recognizable characters return, all voiced by their original film actors and actresses.  There's also Stay Puft, Slimer, and the talking painting of Vigo the Carpathian (Although the painting was destroyed/replaced in Ghostbusters 2).

     The player is a rookie hired to assist the Ghostbusters with increasing ghostly phenomena. Starting with just the proton pack and the trap - you gradually build the pack up with Boson darts, slime tethers and a full on slime sprayer.

     While I would love another movie of the Ghostbusters, I could understand the difficulties with it being made, so I would recommend more games.  I would definitely purchase any more of these produced.  Perhaps a Lego Ghostbusters?  Or just a sequel to this game itself.
     I'll talk more on a potential movie sequel in a separate post another time.

Vigo the Painting

     I must say interacting with the Vigo painting is my favorite part of this game.  Some of the things he says are so hilarious coming from a cruel ancient despot.  Here's a list of some, there's over a hundred so I snagged a bunch for readers. 

1. Araghhh...the smell of happiness stings my nose!
2. Your weaknesses feed me! Please continue to fail!
3. Compete for my amusement.
4. Ohhh...this bores me.
5. Time is but a window - and that window is closing.
6. If only I could have delivered such humiliation in person.
7. That was almost as painful as being stabbed and pulled apart...ermmmmm, but perhaps not.
8. You call that an accomplishment?
9. Congratulate yourself now mortal, while you still have time.
10. Another thousand failures and I'll have enough negative energy to return to the world of the living. HAhahaha!
11. I should've painted myself a bathroom in this thing.
12. Just another thousand years, Vigo, hang in there. Hang in.
13. In my day, we had no time for such trifling amusements.
14. I loathe you from the darkest spume of my craven, boiling bowels!
15. My veins spurt white hot bile and broken glass as I'm forced to look upon you.
16. Sure, my cranium is large, but so is my devastation!
17. I am Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer.
18. When the day comes, you will be the first.
19. When my vindication comes, you'll wish you'd been born inside-out.
20. This pitiful makeshift prison will not last forever.
21. Psst! Shoes are untied.
22. Please stop burning the microwave popcorn.
23. Don't you know me? I am Prince Vigo Von Homburg Deutschendorf.
24. Oh, this really is a good likeness of me.
25. Call me Vigo the Despised or Vigo the Unholy or...ahh...uh...never mind.
26. Nobody ever listens to me.
27. How about a little sacrifice? Not a baby, but maybe a dog or a cat?
28. Come here boy! I'll wear you like pants.
29. Did you know that the human large intestine, when stretched out, will wrap around a city block? You have to get a running start.
30. Have you savored the exquisite anguish of tortured souls? Salty...
31. Pull my finger! I command you!
32. This isn't Ghostbusters. This is The Exorcist!
33. I dreamt I was in a painting with ponies. It was nice.
34. Ohh...I have an itch...ah...right...here!

Here are a bunch of small commentaries on our times by Vigo:

• I see the evil of the times to come. No flying cars - ever! HAHAhahahaha!
• I see the evil of the times to come. You will choose a king far more evil than myself to rule you. Twice!
• I see the evil of the times to come. In time all music will be free, but for the cost of your soul.
• I see the evil of the times to come. You will remember paying $1.45 for gas and will weep hot tears for yesterday.
• I see the evil of the times to come. Millennial apocalypse! Your world unravels...maybe. Maybe not.
• I see the evil of the times to come. The glove won't fit.
• I see the evil of the times to come. "It" is just a scooter.
• I see the evil of the times to come. They're all juicing. All of them!

Nice making fun of G. W. Bush- "Twice!"  LOL

Expendables 2: A Manvie. (Man's Movie)

     Went to see the Expendables 2 last night and was surprised to find myself entirely entertained.



     I was correct in thinking the level of testosterone increase upon viewing this film with my Twitter comment a few days ago.  I grew 7 more balls, muscles sprouted on top of other muscles, and my vocabulary shrank considerably.  Walking out of the theater my friend and I were reduced to Tim Allen's type of manspeak- all grunts and noises. 
    

     Ruuuarg!  Ooog rawrrred gurraaawwww!  AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! 

*Incoherent noises and absurd muscle flexing*

     It was a wonderful time being barbaric simpletons. 

     This film is pure action movie entertainment.  Massive explosions, guns, muscle flexing, and ludicrous amounts of homage inspired one-liners.  The Expendables 2 doesn't try to be a large budget blockbuster.  It doesn't strive to win awards.  It was made with the sole purpose of enjoyment- and it more than delivers.  If you want to enjoy a simple action film that harkens back to the GREATS in the 1980's- SEE THIS MOVIE!!!


     If they make a third, which could very well happen, I have a few ideas about that.

     1)  I think it would be amazingly fitting to have a Steven Seagal cameo.  Not as large a part as the Chuck Norris role in part 2, but just have him as...   you guessed it- a cook.  A cook that used to work Special Ops with one of the other characters.  Maybe have him poked fun at because Culinary Arts are his passion above Martial Arts.

     2)  Jean Claude Van Damme had a good role in this movie,  however, I don't believe he had enough screen time.  (Same goes with a few of the others, I want to see more Terry Crews)  As a throwback to cliched movie happenings- he could play his own twin brother out for vengeance.

     This next one is red because I believe it's a damn good idea.  That should be followed up on by the all powerful movie producers and film industry.
     3)  Where the hell are all the FEMALE action stars from the 80's???  Hello Sigourney Weaver, Bridgette Nielson, Cynthia Rothrock, and Linda Hamilton!?!?  They could be sent in to save or assist the Expendables.  Simple and awesome.  These women played outstanding film heroes and I would love to see these ladies kick ass again. 
     Hell- give them their own movie- I'd go see it in a heartbeat. 

     4)  There are still a bunch of others that could show up like Michael Dudikoff from the American Ninja series.  Once again I'm leaning towards a new team to "Pass the Torch to."  Think of the newer actors they could get.  Chris Hemsworth as his actual brother's in movie brother, Milla Jovovich, Tom Cruise, etc. 
   

Metal Gear: 25th Anniversary

     I apparently missed the 25th Anniversary of one of my favorite video game series ever!  I would first start by saying-

     Dear Hideo Kojima,
          Thank you for creating this masterpiece series.

     And then say-

METAL GEAR SOLID NEEDS AN HD REMAKE!!!

(Skip down to past the 2nd red text for the HD remake thoughts)

Metal Gear Solid PS1: Solid Snake

     I still remember the first time I played Metal Gear.  Not Metal Gear Solid for PlayStation, I mean the Nintendo version.  It was at a kid named Preston's place and we thought it was the coolest game ever, as you could smoke cigarettes.  As I still have the game and have replayed there has grown more respect and liking for it.  Clearly my younger self (8 or so years old) failed to grasp the story and nuances of the game.

     Well, years went by and I was working a prestigious position in a Wal-Mart... all right, in the McDonald's inside the Wal-Mart- and I found the demo in for Metal Gear Solid for PlayStation in the electronics section while roaming around the store during break time. 
     This simple demo immediately had me hooked.  A game of stealth.  Sure one could run in and kill anything that moves or  you could slip by undetected.  No fighting needed.  Stealth was the better option.  This was something new to me.  Intrigued, I would spend most my breaks running back and playing the demo repeatedly.  I was hooked.
     Once the game came out- pretty much all my friends and I spent all our free time playing this game.  Obsessively searching codec channels and looking in all corners of the compound for secrets.  I decided to silently kill every enemy as many times as possible.  So I got to sneak AND kill the bad guys.  My end game ranking for the first playthrough was: ORCA.  I also loved the ranking system.  Based on miscellaneous criteria like amount of times alerting enemies, saves, kills and how many rations you consumed as well as the level of difficulty you played it on.  Brilliant!
     This game also had the benefit of having a layered story.  Dramatic action, wonderful and interesting characters, and bleak Alaskan setting balanced with enough humor to make you laugh out loud at just the right moments.  

Solid Snake- Then and Now- Look at what smoking does!

METAL GEAR SOLID NEEDS AN HD REMAKE!!!

 

     There is a real need to remake the PS1 Metal Gear Solid.  With full trophy and complete graphic update.  A complete overhaul.  Like many old gamers I would pay full price AGAIN!  Not to mention all the potential NEW gamers could be introduced to this earlier Solid Snake. 
     The remakes of 2 and 3 into HD were good, but Solid would be an EPIC remake.  The Twin Snakes update was ok, but it needs the MGS4 visual overhaul.  It needs the update.  No expenses spared.  The game was solid in story, solid in gameplay, and solid in characters.  This is a game for all time.  Only a select few game makers can create such a distinct and moving work.  These games transcend the times. 
     Mr. Kojima could enhance or add all the things he wanted to in the original but had to cut for whatever reasons were necessary back then.  This is one of the few games that I would definitely insist on a remake for. 

Solid Snake- WAY back then

     Maybe even have a remake/update of the NES version as an add on or DLC???  Solid Snake has come a LONG way- his story is great, and I would love to enjoy the journey with him again. 

I'm completely trustworthy!

     I went to a party this weekend that was themed on douchebaggery.  It was everyone dressing up in some form of douchey-ness and it was epic.  Here is a pic of me in all my swarthy getup.  Fear all ye that look upon this image!

     On a side note, Ryan blew everyone out of the water in his surfer-boy douche duds.  The pink polo, 2 odd angled visors, fake tattoos and retro sparkle glasses? GENIUS!  The wig and commitment to "in character" attitude are what really set him ahead of everyone.  Even ahead of all those people that were real life douchebags that showed up in their natural state.  YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!  *grumble grumble*  Being an actual douchebag doesn't count when attending a douchebag party... 

     Douches.

Ryan as Chet (pronounced Shet)

Dark Knight Rises: Bruce vs Selina

     Just a little humor to brighten the day.

     It's the Dark Knight Rises with a dash of Ace Ventura.  Catwoman (Selina Kyle) confuses Batman (Bruce Wayne) with her... feminine wiles?

Borderlands 2 Countdown: One Month to Release!

     I only have time for a quick post, so I'm embedding a video.  It's of my personal favorite weapon manufacturer. 
     ***UPDATE TO POST- because NOT ONE OF THE EMBED FEATURES WORK, i have to post a link here***  (seriously, 2K, IGN, and G4- NONE of them works, each one has a 'broken' link or a missing piece of code)

     Maliwan: Where Form Meets Function.

http://youtu.be/fp_cLQKWGXo


     I love how elegant and simple the trailer is.  Very clinical and scientific.  While I'm not liking the strange new weapon design, it looks so odd and unwieldy- more like the alien Eridian weapons- but I'll give it time, maybe it'll grow on me.  I also miss the blue coloration of Maliwan guns in the first Borderlands.  Perhaps that will return as well.
     Note -On 11/07/09 my first massive Borderlands post was magically deleted from the draft function in blogger so I have no really good Borderlands 1 posts to refer to.  Only 2 posts have ever been lost from the draft feature and they were quite large so I was super angry.  But anyways- I am super pumped for this game!!! 

Dark Knight Rises: The Prison Chant

     Even when I first saw the trailer, way back when it was first released, this is what I was hearing from the chanters.  I hope this is how you will hear it from now on, and maybe giggle a little.

     The Possum will rise. 

     THIS!  IS!  THIS!  IS!  THIS IS AWESOME... POSSUM!  

          THIS IS AWESOME POSSUM!!!

               THIS IS AWESOME POSSUM!!!

The Hobbit: Now in Three Parts

After reading this a couple weeks back-

'"So, without further ado and on behalf of New Line Cinema, Warner Bros. Pictures, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, Wingnut Films, and the entire cast and crew of “The Hobbit” films, I’d like to announce that two films will become three.

 It has been an unexpected journey indeed, and in the words of Professor Tolkien himself, "a tale that grew in the telling."

Cheers,

Peter J'

 OH! MY! GOD!   A TRILOGY!?!?  BRILLIANT!!!

     -All I could think was, hey, the film industry is trying to gain more $$ from the Lord of the Rings saga by extending the single Hobbit book into not 2, but 3 films! Seriously talk about raking in some extras on this massive cash cow. Didn't the Lord of the Rings gross like 3 billion worldwide just in theaters?
     Here's a few suggestions for the 3rd movie's title-

The Hobbit: Milking Smaug's Golden Teats
The Hobbit: An Expected Lucrative Extension
The Hobbit: Give Us Your Money
The Hobbit: We're Just Making Sh*t Up Now
The Hobbit: Bilbo's Bankroll


    

Shadow of the Colossus: The Last Big Secret (The Short Version)



Before arbsorbing shadows/fruits

    One thing that's always nagged my mind about Shadow of the Colossus is the fact everyone KNEW you could climb the tower at one point.  How would that be considered a secret?

     It was one of my immediate goals when playing the first time back on PS2.  I spotted the moss trail after circling the Shrine of Worship immediately and knew there had to be a way to scale it.  It was an accessible location. So I figure there'd also be a reason to climb it.  After many playthroughs and eating an absurd amount of fruits and magical shining lizard tails.  You have to put forth a massive amount of EFFORT and WORK to get enough stamina to ascend the Shrine of Worship.  So why would the fruit in the "Secret Garden" return all that work to base level?

  Why would the game's creators make it possible, I'd say- inevitable, to allow players to gain enough power from the Forbidden Lands to scale the tower just to return you back to human?

     So here's a bit of backup for my thoughts on the speculated "Last Big Secret" of Shadow of the Colossus.
From a 1UP interview:

1UP: Are there any secrets in the game that still haven't been found?

Fumita Ueda: I wonder about that, but there seem to be many enthusiastic players so I believe all of the secrets have been found already.

1UP: Why does the fruit in the secret garden take away your stamina? Is there any specific reason for this in the story, or is it just a way to reset your stamina meter?

Fumito Ueda: The fruit in the ancient land was set to get you closer to non-human existence. The [secret garden's] fruit was set to return you to a human one.

From an IGN interview:

Kyle Shubel: Hmmm…I dunno, that sounds like an exclusive. Hmmm…well, everyone is talking about the secret garden. That is pretty much the most popular secret in the game that everybody gravitates towards because you have to do a certain level of time investment to be able to get strong enough to get there and, yes, that was there for the ending movie. They left it in the game for a reason.

After the shadows/fruits

     Well- What exactly is the purpose of returning the character IN GAME to human status???  What is the reason for the garden and what is the true purpose of the fruits???  If I wanted to do that I'd simply start a new game.  Besides which fruits are the forbiddon ones?  The garden's or the land's?  Who forbids it?  Dormin or the Priests?
 
     What if there is something you can ONLY do as a "human." Something that only people untainted by Dormin's power can do.  So it would be something later in the game, but necessarily without the increased health or power. For instance, the Shrine of Worship's front doors seem to only open under specific conditions, is it because the users are merely mortal. 
     Are the fruits designed to lessen or subvert the powers of Dormin?  They purposely deprive you of stamina and health to the lowest level- a regular human- ridding the player of Dormin's influence and that of the land itself.  Kind of like a preventative measure to keep the powers of Dormin from escaping the lands? 
     I really wonder why they would include this feature with the fruits.  Is there something still not noticed in the secret garden itself that requires an untainted human to occur. 

     One important thing, at least to me, is to notice that only "humans" are able to come and go from the Forbidden Lands.  Once you have built your health and stamina gauges to the maximum superhuman level is the first real time you can make it back to the Forbidden Land's front gates again.  Now I'm not saying that it'll become possible to leave, but it is an idea, and I don't know if anyone has tried. Eat the fruit of the garden, then try doing things.  Try exiting the Forbidden Land after the fruit.  Try the Shrine of Worship's front door after the fruit.

     One person suggested the parachute was necessary for the last secret.  I have no clue where that idea came from but - what if?  What if you need the parachute to safely reach the ground again after becoming human again to do something?  Try parachuting through the big hole in the garden after eating the fruit.

     Has anyone tried to beat Malus after eating the fruit?  Is it even possible?  While it is extremely doubtful a different ending could happen, would it be under this type of condition that it might exist?  One where the Wanderer doesn't contain enough shadow material to manifest Dormin himself during the ending.

     Another possibility is the Shrine of Worship's pool.  It seems to act as a gateway throughout the game.  A doorway to somewhere or something otherworldly.  It's the place all the bestowed weapons and items appear after the challenges as well as the gateway that drags Dormin into after Emon's spell and magical sword are cast into.
    Maybe there's a prayer to activate something in the pool.  Although the argument against the pool idea is that you start as a human next to it and nothing has been found to happen yet.  A potential portal waiting to be opened.  Once again, I'm not saying there would be something huge.  But maybe, just maybe...

     I personally would like to find maybe a small room or niche that houses a portion, or whole remains, of Dormin's previous encasement.  I would absolutely LOVE to find a skeleton of Dormin's previous incarnation on a throne.  Perhaps even parts of his ancient self strewn about the land in it's crumbling state.  Even a view of it reflected in the pool while praying would be great.  But, alas, it is just wishful thinking.
     I'd like to leave fellow Shadow of the Colossus players, and "last big secret" searchers, with the question I stated earlier-

  Why would the game's creators make it possible, I'd say- inevitable, to allow players to gain enough power from the Forbidden Lands to scale the tower just to return you back to human?