Zoolander 2: First Official Teaser Trailer

[ UPDATE ] In the 10 minutes this video was posted, Paramount Pictures has blocked it.
     Of course, I'll be posting the video on this blog as soon as it reappears on the net.

[UPDATE 2 ]  Paramount has released the actual teaser, so here it is.

     We finally get a little teaser.  It gives us pretty much nothing to guess the contents of the real film- being much like the dim Derek Zoolander himself- but it is a start on the road to really, really, really, really goodlooking-ness.

     Zoolander 2 is set to release February 12, 2016.

Jurassic World: The Game: Review (Android)

Riding Triceratops...

     Jurassic World: The Game is an interesting, and visually updated version of Jurassic Park Builder with the same fundamental framework.  The graphics have gotten much better, there is no longer a need to constantly move items, such as rocks, out of the way, and there is now a singular food type that covers both meat and vegetation.

     The purpose of both games is to make as much money as possible by multiplying the amount of dinosaurs you have and evolving them while simultaneously expanding the park across the entire island.  Players need to increase the number of buildings and support structures and ensure a steady income to keep the park growing- all while loosely following the plot of the Jurassic World movie with story snippets and goals popping up as missions to complete.

     Players also gather DNA and use it to create more dinosaurs.  Once grown in the hatchery you may place them, and if you have 2 leveled to their max, you may combine them to boost the level, and later in the game you can combine varying species such as a Stegosaurus and a Triceratops into a Stegoceratops.

     Next comes the battle arena, and this is where the two games diverge.

Scrubbing the Mosasaurus...

     The battle arena is an interesting concept done much better in games such as Pokemon.  You have to level up (evolve) dinosaurs and tackle opponents in both story mode and actual other players in online fights.
     The game's story mode always sets you at a disadvantage, perhaps to heavily encourage purchasing IAP packs, and the real-world opponents seem to have no proper matchmaking, as I was pitted against people 10 plus levels beyond my highest level dinosaur, guaranteeing a loss.

     Provided you find a match on relatively even terms, the system is fairly well thought out.  The battle system is a 4 way Rock-Paper-Scissors game with the 4 types of dinosaurs.  Carnivores get a 50% damage boost towards Herbivores, and take 50% less in return.  Herbivores get the same towards Pterosaurs, Pterosaurs towards Amphibians, and Amphibians towards Carnivores to complete the circle.
     Players (at least in story mode) always go first, giving you the option to attack, defend, or save a move for the next turn.  This goes back and forth until one side loses all their dinosaurs (up to 3 each).  It is a nice addition to the simple park builder, and adds some nice distraction while waiting for everything else to finish.

Cooking T. Rex meal...

     This is actually the best part of the game- the individual dinosaur models.  From the park's main screen you can click on the holding pens for each dinosaur and inspect the models.  This is definitely where the budget went, because the models are downright stunning.  Even more interesting is how they change as you level them up.  Each evolution alters the look of the dinosaur into more and more into colorful and feathered creatures.

     Look at these screencaps of the Jurassic Park icon, the Tyrannosaurus Rex.  Just amazing.  They also have a small set of actions they perform when you tap on them.  The T-Rex here will shake as if being pestered by bugs, snap its jaws, and let out the now famous roar that sounds like it was ripped straight from the film.

Connection to the game server lost.

     Aside from constant server disconnections this game's biggest flaw is the IAPs.  Jurassic World: The Game is designed with an insanely aggressive IAP system meant to prey upon player's impatience in hopes of receiving money in the grandest scheme of "pay-to-win" gaming.  Buildings and dinosaur money income is both timed and amount capped.
     Players can only make a limited amount in a set time period, any longer and no more money is generated, any shorter and you don't make the maximum.  Forcing players to be either constantly attentive and engaged, having immense patience for months of play, or to rely on the incessant pop-ups for the IAPs to buying the way to the next level.

     The park building is slow enough I believe I saw a snail evolve right on past some of the construction.  This sluggish speed is made worse by the non-stop IAP ads, pop-ups occurs after every battle, after every free pack use, and after each story level is completed, causing a lot of annoyance and irritation.  Boiled down, Jurassic World: The Game was engineered specifically to steer players with its "Freemium" spending to speed up the game play, although it is a highly addictive builder/battler game- and I feel if this game was designed as a Premium (paid for game) it would've been much more enjoyable overall.

Star Wars Issue 7 Review: Obi-Wan Kenobi Stand-Alone

     This issue drew me in due to it being a stand-alone issue, featuring the fan favorite character Obi-Wan Kenobi.  It is set as a story-within-a-story in the form of a journal (that Luke obtained in an earlier issue) in a time a few years after Episode 3, as Luke is just a small boy.

     Obi-Wan wrote in the journal about his withdrawal.  He talks about the difficulty he is going through with his path into self-imposed exile from his former life as General and Jedi Master into his new life as the recluse Old Ben.  He must adapt his life to hide his abilities and remain a nobody whilst attempting to secretly use the Force to protect people from Jabba the Hutt's goons.

     Along the way we see his struggle with losing his original goal, and the disappointment at not being able to train Luke Skywalker as a Jedi because Owen Lars forbids it.  This creates an interesting dilemma- Obi-Wan already feels like a failure with his responsibility for Anakin's turn to the Dark Side, and wants to make up for it with Luke, but he is thwarted by Lars.
     He is stuck in a position where he yearns to do things, an almost desperate need to use the Force, but he must find a way to balance using it with keeping it hidden.  The problem is huge for him.  As a Jedi his whole life was in tandem with the Force, and now in seclusion, he has to cut himself off from both people, and that life.

     Simon Bianchi's art serves to display the great toll isolation takes on Obi-Wan.  Oddly enough, the opposite is true for Jason Aaron's writing of Luke Skywalker in this issue.  He is shown as a headstrong boy, which feels to wrong to match with his naive farm hand persona from A New Hope.  It is a small complaint but it seems a little off-putting and out of character.

     Overall, Star Wars #7 is a nice small tale for fans firmly nestled between films.

     My only other complaint is actually with Kenobi in general- if he went into hiding, why did he continue wearing the traditional Jedi garb?  I mean seriously, someone should've recognized he was wearing standard issue Jedi clothes during all those years he was posing as a cantankerous old man.

Mountain Goat Mountain: Quick Review

     Developer Zynga has brought us a strangely alluring game with Mountain Goat Mountain.  It can only be described as an endless climber- with the goal being getting as high an altitude up the mountain as possible before succumbing to one of many possible dooms.

         

     Beginning with a single goat, players must traverse their way up an isometric mountain, as far up as you can get collecting coins, using spring-boards, avoiding traps, and even finding the power-up springs giving the goat a silver coating impervious to harm.  Tap one side of the screen to hop up in that direction, swipe down on that side to head down in that side's direction.  It's very intuitive and simple.

     The things standing in your way are random items rolling down the mountain, crumbling platforms, deadly hidden precipices, lightning storms, and waters.  Players must also be consuming grass to fuel the goat's energy to ascend the dangerous peaks, but no one need to worry, there are plenty of patches that are automatically eaten when stepped on.

     The mountains vary in looks as you can unlock more goats through either in game coins collected, resulting in random chances as new goats in crates, or through the IAP of a mere 99 cents for a goat of your choice.  Zynga has provided a nice variety of differing goats and corresponding locales.  There's a Samurai goat with a lush environment, a cowboy goat with an old west theme, and my favorite, the holiday goat with a blue-tinged snowy wonderland.  The only goat I actively disliked was the Infrared Goat, whose mountain was in heat-vision color tones that actively hurt my brain.
     I mean really, the VR Goat (pic below) and Unicorn Goat (the rainbow-trailed goat pic above) levels are such a joy to play it's really, really hard to not recommend this to anyone.

     The simple controls and a cartoonish nature are quite deceiving here, as the game is extremely well done.  The colors are vibrant, the worlds are full and ever-changing, and it is an absolute delight to play.  Aside from it's ridiculously redundant title, Mountain Goat Mountain is an amazing time-waster in the fashion of old Q-Bert-ian block-hopping goodness.

Wolverine: Hugh Jackman #OneLastTime

     The always amazing Hugh Jackman tweeted this image, I cropped it here, with the statement calling for fans to tell him what they'd like to see happen:

My last time putting on the claws. What do you want to see happen? 50 words or less. I'll read as many as I can. 

     While it is extremely doubtful Fox will do what many fans want and give us a film worthy of Logan's "The best there is..." quote, it is very nice that Jackman is doing this.  His work as Wolverine will be damn near impossible to match.  Despite being stuck with poor scripts for the previous Wolverine films he has truly molded and made the character his own over the years.

     I've written numerous posts about what they should do, and how it keeps getting fumbled, but I really, really hope Fox learns from the fan reactions to Deapool and does justice for the last run of Jackman's Wolverine.  A legend needs proper send off and the last two films were abominable.

     It's been hinted, most notably at the SD Comic Con, that the next movie will be a take on the great series Old Man Logan by Mark Millar and Steve McNiven.  If the film makers don't screw it up, there is a huge chance Wolverine could be handled properly for once.  This is a chance for Fox to give us a Wolverine to rival the Christopher Nolan Batman films.  Dark, gritty, and meaningful.

     They now have the perfect chance to learn from fan reactions to the Deadpool trailer, remove the kiddie gloves and give us something real.  "I'm the best there is at what I do, but what I do isn't very nice..."  Prove to us that Wolverine's catchphrase is from the life of a man that cannot escape the cycle of killing.  That sometimes, someone has to do the dirty work.

     The new Wolverine is set to be released March 3rd, 2017.

     Source [ Twitter ]

Sword of Xolan: Short Review (Android)

     Developer Alper Sarikaya made a game hearkening back to the early days of adventure-platforming.  Sword of Xolan is free for Android devices, with a tiny, and very worth it just to support the developer, IAP of 99 cents.

     The game is about Xolan, a prince setting out to save his people from Borzandar the evil wizard and eliminate all the monsters infesting his kingdom.  Sword of Xolan contains just enough ingredients to claim there's a story- an evil wizard, a prince, and a whole lotta monsters.
     He is equipped with the most basic items, a sword and fireballs.  More than enough to slay everything in the 3 chapters of 10 levels each.  A wide variety of creatures and traps try to thwart progress, and grow at a nice and steady difficulty curve.  There isn't anything too difficult, and by the end there isn't anything really too easy.  Sword of Xolan somehow found a nice balance in between.

     Each level, aside from the 3 boss fight levels, has 3 townspeople and a treasure chest to find.  Many are in hidden areas, or require a little searching for a key to unlock a new path- but all in the singular level so there isn't much in the way of tedious backtracking.  Thrtoughout the levels, breaking things provides plenty of refills for health and magic, as well as a ton of coins to purchase in game cards to enhance Xolan in ways like beginning with an extra heart for health.   
     To be honest the only issue with the game is the dialogue that Xolan constantly spouts off.  He constantly says, "Yeee-Ahhhhhhh!!!" and "Xolan's in the House!" and it just doesn't fit with the game.  Because it sounds out of place it breaks the flow of an otherwise tremendous game.

     There's a lot of action, downright brilliant level design combined with clean art and animation, great (and customizeable!) controls, and tons of hidden goodies creating a perfect semblance of the golden age of adventure gaming from the 1980's.  Topping that is the fact that this game is truly fun to play.  There isn't much to Sword of Xolan, but what there is, is so well done that it's hard to find faults.

Rise of the Tomb Raider: RUMOR NEWS- A One Year Wait for PS4: Due HOLIDAY 2016?!?

     In an awful announcement for Playstation users, Microsoft's timed-exclusivity deal creates a huge delay in release dates between systems for the upcoming Square-Enix game Rise of the Tomb Raider.  The newest rumor claims there is a monstrous one year wait.  PC players won't have it quite as bad, their's will be available merely a few months after the Xbox One's release- placing it somewhere in "early 2016" with the stipulation that they need to have Windows 10 to play it.

A Bleak Release Date Outlook.

     I've never been keen on the timed-exclusivity deals, but this one is absolutely ridiculous.  A whole year, that could be very bad news for Square-Enix if Playstation users take offense at this absurdity.  This type of thing creates a lot of distaste for the waiting game and generates buyer backlash and disinterest for not being able to obtain a copy for your preferred system.

     If the rumor is true, it definitely feels like a swift kick to my consumer nuts.  I honestly don't think my fandom is willing to wait that long to support a franchise I've enjoyed since it's inception.

     Source [ Shack News ] [ Lazy Gamer ]

Ant-Man: Review

     After all my excitement for Ant-Man, I am torn between liking it and seeing the films immediate flaws.  Right off the bat, you have a movie with Edgar Wright's flavor seeping through, but then we can also see how blatantly it was forced into conforming to the typical Marvel Studios filmography.

     The strange need for the movies to link in the most obvious ways is getting absurd.  The connectivity is wonderful, but it's beginning to be shoved in our faces.  Marvel has a tendency to strongarm things into place for the bigger picture, which is at odds with the whole premise of Ant-Man itself.
     Ant-Man isn't about the world-saving glories the Avengers have become known for.  It is a passing the torch story, but one that is being done under the table.  Hank Pym, played with great aptitude by Michael Douglas, is a failed father and creator of both his shrinking Ant-Man suit, and a nice device that allows him to communicate with ants- giving him access to the world's largest biomass colony, meaning he has an infinite army of unseen warriors and workers.

     After keeping his Pym Particles and shrinking serum out of the hands of Howard Stark and S.H.I.E.L.D. for decades, Hank now has to take action to keep his former protege Darren Cross (Corey Stoll)- who is played as a villainous caricature in his path towards becoming Yellowjacket- from militarizing and selling the shrinking technologies.

     Along the way he enlists Scott Lang (Paul Rudd), an ex-con that burgles for all the right reasons.  He too is a failing father, struggling with his ex-wife, her new-and-stereotypical douchebag police officer boyfriend, and attempting to be there for his daughter.  Under Pym's guidance he can become an actual hero, one worthy of his daughter's ideal view of him.

     What this movie gets right is taking massive steps back in terms of the story.  This isn't about "dropping cities" on things as Pym complains about the Avengers (a reference to the Age of Ultron film), it's about doing what's right for the ones you care about.  It's about doing it in secret.  Ant-Man was a secret in war espionage in Pym's younger days, and now that the suit has taken its toll on him, he must find an heir.  Due to a tragic loss in Pym's past he is reluctant to have is extremely overqualified and capable daughter Hope Van Dyne (Evangeline Lilly) take over for fear of losing her as well.  So he goes with the second best choice, Lang.  Which is almost a metaphor for the film in that they don't go with the right choice, they go with the safe one.
   
     The movie then becomes a heist film focusing on training Lang to become the unrecognized hero of the day.  Along the way he has some old friends assist- including Michael Pena whose role as a criminal is that of stealing every scene he is in- to stop Cross from unleashing microscopic chaos around the world.

     What I think the movie does wrong, however, is shoe-horn in a love story.  It feels out of place and completely unnecessary.  They could have left it open ended and it would've worked better.  Not every leading pair needs to become romantically involved.
     The whole lead up to the going subatomic and Lang's solution for escape is a bit preposterous as well.  Why wouldn't he have just smashed a few of them all over his body- maybe even one too many- causing him to grow past normal size and become Giant Man accidentally?  Which was another complaint I had.  Quite a few items are grown to super sizes, so why didn't they use that in the film on a person?  All the build up and no payoff.

     Then at a middle ground between good and bad, although I complained about the movie being forced into a mold, when an Avenger finally does show up, they chose the right one.  They chose the most human and relatable person for Lang to encounter and it actually works very well.  So even though it seems forced, it also feels fitting.

     Overall, I really enjoyed the film.  It has plenty of predictable elements, but also a fair amount of moments of genuine heart and originality.  Ant-Man was at its best when it focused on the small things and really, it should stay that way.  Hank Pym wanted the Ant-Man to stay out of sight, so Marvel should keep the stories with him small, but with a large impact.

     After seeing this, I am unbelievably eager to find a leaked copy of Wright's original script.  To truly see what wonderfully subtle things were there that were buried under the typical Marvel must-haves could be enlightening.
     I'm also looking forward to Hope Van Dyne finally getting to take up the mantle of Wasp...

Disney INfinity 3.0: Ant-Man INfinit-Teased!

     Ant-Man hits theaters today, a week ago he showed up in the mobile game Future Fight, and a bug-riddled start yesterday (many players, myself included, are unable to even load the game due to patch problems) over in the usually amazing Marvel Heroes 2015, and now Disney INfinity has teased his arrival in Disney INfinity 3.0.

     We might as well just assume he'll be playable, because- firstly- everyone else in the image is playable, and secondly- he's already in the game as a team-up disc.  The chances increase his odds of being playable when you take in to account the fact that Marvel still has 4 unannounced playable characters from their official playable character board. [ Pic and info about the board ]

     I've been thinking this was going to be the approach for some time, as I wrote back on June 6th:

     "Well, I thoroughly look forward to more of what is to come in the following months as we get closer to the release date.  Especially the Marvel: Age of Ultron related stuff, which the Disney Infinity team has been ultra secretive of.  We have gotten a lot of information on everything else except the Marvel group for Disney Infinity 3.0. 

     I'm actually wondering if they'll be having a bunch of Ant-Man themed stuff that just hasn't been announced yet, and maybe they're waiting for the movie to be released first.  They already have his character modeled and usable as a team up..."

     Well, I think this will be a great thing.  I want to see some levels where everything is humongous and you have to navigate the world as a tiny hero.  Much like the Super Mario Bros. in Giant Land.

     Disney INfinity 3.0 releases August 30th.

     Source [ Disney INfinity Official Twitter ]

Alien 5: Blomkamp's New Concept Art

     Months after being Greenlit by 20th Century Fox for his new Alien movie pitch, Blomkamp has given us the first new look at the film he is working on with a pic via instagram.

     Blomkamp's previous films were both good (District 9) and merely ok (Elysium), but his take on Alien, through all the shared concept art that shows he knows what should be- or  what rightfully should have been- happening, will hopefully avoid pulling a Ridley Scott and crapping on his own saga with something like Prometheus.

     I have an odd faith that Blomkamp can pull this off.  He's got all the perfect ingredients- a reverence for the franchise, the iconic xenomorph aliens, Ellen "The biggest badass ever" Ripley (Sigourney Weaver), and Corp. Dwayne "The next biggest badass ever" Hicks (Michael Biehn).
     He also has a nice bit of continuity that the 3rd and 4th film lost through the magic of poor storytelling.  So really, if this goes anywhere near as well as it looks according to all the conceptual art, it could be the perfect rejuvenation for a listless franchise.